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October 21, 2010

Welcome IComLeavWe’ers and other friends! I love this week of comment-leaving craziness.

For those of you visiting this little corner of the world for the first time … Hi, I’m Michelle. My most prominent roles at the moment are as life coach to clients who constantly blow me away, daughter to two of the most generous people I know, wife to a man whose heart touches mine, and mom to two equally sweet, amazing boys, each with a unique set of gifts.

What is “Grief, Interrupted,” anyway?

This space covers a wide range of topics, (almost) all related to recognizing and honoring all kinds of grief, loss and transitions.

Grief, Interrupted is about grief that gets interrupted by societal pressure NOT to grieve. Or not grieve for too long, lest we make anyone feel uncomfortable. And Grief, Interrupted is about losses that we might not traditionally think to honor as a grief process: job loss, caring for an aging parent, loving and living with a child with special needs. And many other topics to come.

Grief, Interrupted, too, honors the depth of grief we experience when we lose someone we love. A parent, a spouse, a sibling, a pregnancy. A child.

Grief, Interrupted is about my own grief and gratitude, too. Mostly as the mom of a child with a mystery genetic syndrome, as the sister of a boy who died in a car accident.

And while Grief, Interrupted is about honoring all these losses,  it’s about shifting, learning and growing in their wake. It’s about finding those moments when we can interrupt our own deep grief to find gratitude and to deepen our relationships with ourselves, with those we love, and with the wider world around us.

ICLW’ers and other friends, I welcome your thoughts and reflections here and look forward to visiting with you.

With warmth and gratitude,
Michelle

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From → Grief / Loss

41 Comments
  1. Hi there! Here from ICLW… I lost my daughter at 5 days old, and I have just realized that it’s CRAP that I’m trying to force myself to not be sad. I am sad. Not 100% of the time, but I used to fight it. We weren’t given this huge range of emotions to not allow ourselves to feel them!

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      I’m so sorry for your loss, Cece. You are so wise to let yourself allow yourself to feel the waves of sadness as they wash over you. In my experience, fighting your feelings only leads to their persistence. I wish you peace. ~Michelle

  2. You have given me something to think about. I think I have experienced grieving where I felt I had to stop because of societal pressures and grief that made others uncomfortable but I had to see it through. It truly depends on the situation. I will admit that there are situations that I should have grieved more – perhaps I will think of that when faced with a situation in the future.

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Please be gentle with yourself, Marisa. It’s never too late to revisit grief with the goal of healing. ~Michelle

  3. Dear Michelle,

    Through things you have experienced in your life you obviously know and understand what grief is, I’m sorry for your losses.

    Your understanding that through grief we do morph and grow and become better human beings with more compassion is so right….as difficult as the journey is you do find an inner strength and courage you didn’t know you had. You learn that love and life are the most important things to cherish everyday.

    Losing my family members and dealing with our daughter being diagnosed with a fatal genetic disease will be the hardest thing I will ever face in my life….the grief has changed me and continues to re-inforce how precious this life is….it creates a strength in your character that emerges.

    Thank you for writing about my story and I always look forward to reading what you write.
    Love Diana x

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Diana, you are an inspiration, as always. xo Michelle

  4. So glad to have come across your blog, I have been working through the grief of losing my daughter almost 4mths ago. I look forward to following your blog and gaining insight from your experiences.

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Rebecca, I wish you peace as you continue on your journey toward healing. ~Michelle

  5. I am so glad I found this site! I have had a lot of grief in my life. I lost my dad and only living granparent at the young age of 8. 7 years ago I lost my nephew in a car accident (at 24 years old-only 2 years younger than myself at the time). 4 years ago I lost my mom right in the midst of my infertility and as I became a mom, I missed my mom so much and felt like an orphan. I am constantly grieving over her loss now as I realize my children will never know their Gammy. Anyway, thanks for creating this. I will visit again. Happy ICLW! (#72 & 106)

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Krissi, I am so sorry for all your heartbreaking losses. Your mom, especially. Your children will be lucky to know her through your memories and your evident love. ~Michelle

  6. Carol Leigh Rice permalink

    I feel humbled to be here, and to read the comments of such brave and wonderful people. I really feel grief is sacred, and has its own special rhythms, perhaps even ceremonies of the heart, one might say…The funny thing seems to be that each person’s own heart knows the Way, knows how to do the grief, and the invisilbe ceremonies and places along the way. So I feel one should explore their own grief, without any artificial barriers or boundaries – social pressures indeed.

    I felt I had a kind of inner “grief room” – an inner Temple – I found myself there, around my father’s dying and death (because sometimes the grief is more about the dying, than the actual death)…and I promised myself to grieve as fully, as deeply, and as long as I wanted to withn my inner room – whenever I wanted to go there. And in time, I noticed I didn’t go in there, as often, which was fine, because that was my timing. Over time, I think that the inner room – where you grieve so deeply and fully, does change, almost as if the “decor” or atmosphere slowly alters. Sometimes, 20 years later, I am in there once again with Dad, but not often, and it is very gentle now, not wild and windswept. It feels like an old temple, fallen into disuse, but still respected, if you know what I mean? It has helped me to know I need never “work” to somehow get rid of that inner Grief Temple – it’s mine, and if I go there or not, that too is mine…

    I hope, and know, that each of you will find your hearts showing you how to grieve, your way…and when you have to put grief on pause, as Michelle says – “Grief, interrupted” to continue other parts of life – then do that, knowing that, as long as you need to grieve, your grief need only be on “pause”…and one day, you will realize you haven’t really noticed for quite awhile whether the grief has paused, or stopped! Because it is true, too, that time does heal…

    Hugs to all,
    Carol

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Carol, I feel humbled as I read your comment. Thank you for stopping by and leaving such a beautiful message from the heart. ~Michelle

  7. What a wonderful site. Being a mother to three children who have passed away, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for having such a wonderful blog.

    *hugs*
    ICLW #163

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      I breathe deeply as I read your simple, painful phrase about your children. I cannot know the depth of your grief. Thank you for your kind words, and, from the bottom of my heart, I wish you peace. ~Michelle

  8. hi there!!! i’m here via ICLW. what a great idea for a blog… one that focuses on grief. this is a topic that i have definitely gotten to know more and more these past few years due to infertility, miscarriage and career change, etc… it definitely gets hard when you feel like everyone/the world is moving on around you just want it to all stop so you can deal with your grief! thanks for sharing your journey.

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Oh, sas, I’m so sorry for your losses. Please take time for yourself and take the time to grieve fully. ~Michelle

  9. So sorry for your lost *hugs*

  10. Hi-visiting from ICLW..Thank you for sharing your journey..I too think it is a wonderful idea for a blog. Sometimes you have to stop and allow yourself to grieve or feel or just process before you can move further…

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Yes. Exactly, Kathleen. Thank you for being here. ~Michelle

  11. KWombles permalink

    Visiting from ICLW, too. It’s important to have a place to share one’s stories of loss safely; this site looks like it can provide just that. My sympathies to those who’ve commented on their losses. ((()))

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Thank you for bringing your hugs here. ~Michelle

  12. Thank you for stopping by my blog. It is so nice to see a blog dedicated to loss. While I have two beautiful children, I grieve the one I lost at 9 weeks, and I wonder all the time why it happened, and how we go on from here. While I know that my loss isn’t the same as a mother who lost a child much later, I know that I will never be the same.

  13. Hi, I’m visiting from ICLW too. As someone who is actively grieving right now, I look forward to coming back and reading more later.

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      I’m so sorry for your devastating loss. At your blog, your pain is palpable. Please take care of yourself and your daughter, and certainly don’t worry about the rest of us.

  14. Hello, visiting from ICLW. I enjoyed reading this. We definitely do push the grief to the background, especially when it’s less socially acceptable. We adopted both of our children, our greatest joys in life, and yet along with this you get a considerable amount of grief: grief over the special needs of our older and more traumatized child, grief over all that our children had to go through, grief that we will very likely never experience pregnancy and childbirth, grief that we couldn’t be the parents to conceive and give birth to our children, and grief for the first families who could not find any way to care for these children and had to make a courageous choice for their sakes. None are all that easy to speak about and in many cases they are considered socially unacceptable, though luckily we know many families in similar situations so at least we can sometimes find someone to speak with who can understand and listen.

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Thank you, Megan. I know what you mean about your children as your greatest joys AND as a source of grief. Finding people who can relate is so important, and I’m glad you have those people in your life. ~Michelle

  15. What a wonderful site. Grief is a very hard thing. I had a cousin die suddenly in a car crash at the beginning of the year and my little sister was diagnosed with Brain Cancer a few months back. It is difficult to know how to handle such things. Thanks for blogging about it!

    ICLW #8

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Sarah, thank you for coming by. I read about your sister, and I hope her treatment goes well.

  16. Visiting from ICLW. Thank you for sharing your journey and providing a place for people to relate to each other.

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Thanks for visiting, mamafog. Please know you are welcome to share your story here. ~Michelle

  17. Hey Michelle — I love these lines: “about grief that gets interrupted by societal pressure NOT to grieve. Or not grieve for too long, lest we make anyone feel uncomfortable.” It is so painful to see it in action; to see people actively shaming another person for grieving. For telling them that it’s not that bad. I don’t think people realize the damage they do when they don’t allow people to feel what they need to feel. Thank you for writing this.

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Thanks for stopping by, Mel! Yes, it is amazing — and sad — what people say to each other. And it has such a domino effect people don’t realize. Have you noticed how short shiva periods have become? So many people no longer fully honor their grief, often because they feel uncomfortable asking people to support them in such public mourning for more than two or three days or because they’ve bought into the belief that it’s not OK to grieve so publicly for so “long.” (I know it’s more complicated that this, but this is what’s coming up for me right now.)

  18. This is my first visit to your blog. It is so true that we feel pressured in society to push our grief, no matter what it is about aside. I look forward to reading more about your journey!

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Thanks for visiting, Ashley. I’ve aimed to create a safe place here to talk about grief and its role in our lives.

  19. Thanks for stopping by my blog! How crazy that you “know” my sister!! N is doing well, she fostered for a short while after Teagyn passed away. She has since had two more bio children. Jaxson is 3 and Ava is 2 months. I look fwd to reading your blog.

  20. Hi Michelle,
    You certainly have a way with words. I do agree that society puts tremendous pressure on a parent to “move on” especially when a pregnancy has ended tragically. Many just don’t get how intense of an experience this is for many parents. Thanks for creating this space.

    • Michelle Buzgon permalink

      Thank you for the kind words, Sharee. I am so sorry for your losses (I dropped by your site for a visit) and can’t imagine what it would be like to be told to move on from that.

  21. When you find out your pregnant you’re “supposed” to be happy and exited. At least that is what everyone says. For me it hasn’t been that way. Diagnosed with depression and anxiety I’ve been grieving the life I had before the BFP. I also grieve the person I thought I was (my idea of myself and the fact that it is completely changing).
    Sometimes it’s been hard because I feel guilty because I am not swooning over Boppee pillows and little onesies when I know there are so many women out there who would kill for what I have. I do have my happy moments but my experience with pregnancy has been far from what I thought it would be.
    Thank you for recognizing that grief exists beyond what normally think of and creating this space.
    I am sorry for you losses.

  22. Jem permalink

    Glad you are here for this amazing community.

    ~Jem (ICLW#5)

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